The Journey So Far

1983 :  I attend open auditions for the upcoming Hugh Hudson movie Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, am interviewed by a TV crew for BBC North West Tonight and later accept the invitation to wear a loincloth, swing from a rope in the studio and be interviewed by Russell Harty on his chat show, for around 14 seconds. I later see Depeche Mode, and especially Dave Gahan dancing charismatically around the stage at the Manchester Apollo and realise I want to become a pop star.

1984 : Rejected at auditions with most of London's leading Drama Schools after getting nowhere in countless talent contests around Manchester's pub scene, performing cover songs and a few impressions. Bernard Manning & Foo Foo Lammar both told me they couldn't hire me for a gig at their clubs as they'd never heard of me or seen me perform

   Bernard Manning & Russell Harty kindly agreed to propose my application and sign my British Actors Equity Association application form. And Equity still rightly decline my application due to insufficient paid gigs at the professional rate.

1985 : Moved to London to become a Pop Star and Movie Star, having been hugely inspired by Prince's Purple Rain movie and music.  My dream, and plan, was to play the lead role, write and perform the songs in my own movie.

   Began writing songs and my first feature film screenplay, which I later realised wasn't to the requisite standard and it was left to hibernate in the wardrobe.

1986 :  Developing the ability to write songs, even though I didn't then, and still don't play any instruments, apart from a £75 electronic keyboard synthesizer, played slowly with one or two fingers and little stickers with the notes written on each key so I know what I'm composing.  More songs accumulate.

   Advertise in Melody Maker for musicians and form my first band, rehearsing and playing the first of the only 2 band gigs I've ever performed so far - at the Tunnel Club at The Mitre in Greenwich, London.

1987 : The band gradually splits up and whilst the songwriting continues, so too does the unemployment and social security.

1990 : Spent 3 very disciplined years writing my first novel You Wanna Buy? (with a dictionary and thesaurus close beside me at all times), which was based on my screenplay You Wanna Buy?.

1993 : After training for and running the London Marathon, I set about finding a literary agent.  No joy, no interest from any of the seemingly untouchable and inundated agents.  The novel and screenplay return to the wardrobe.

1996 :  Have an idea for a short film about a world where smoking is illegal and carries the death penalty.  Start writing, producing and subsequently directing my first film, Breathe Safely (15 mins).

   The Prince Purple Rain-inspired dream of writing, producing, directing, playing the lead role, writing all songs and music and performing lead vocals is partly achieved, if only with a short film, but not the real dream of it happening with a feature film.

   I submit Breathe Safely to numerous International Film Festivals and it is selected by around 8 festivals including ; Raindance London, Huesca Spain, Oldenburg Germany, Figueira Da Foz Portugal and a few other UK Festivals.  When it screens at Edinburgh International Film Festival, a few contacts are made and Screen International give it a fairly good review.  No offers of distribution or any sales though.

1999/2000 : I write and adapt the short film into a feature length film in order to sell it, further my career and make some money from the burgeoning number of satellite and cable channels around the world, in addition to the growth of distributors selling video and DVD rights worldwide.

   No UK distributors show any interest, so I head off for 2 weeks to Toronto Canada to experiment with the idea of distributing my new feature film Breathe Safely (90 mins) through my own Company.  I visit many video stores, equipped with newly duplicated VHS video tapes of the movie with printed and fully designed sleeves as well as my own photocopier  A3 posters, and to my surprise, most stores I visit buy at least 2 copies, one store kindly and supportively buying around 6 copies for his rental customers.

   When I return home from the trip, I continue to seek a distributor in the US and am thrilled and excited to be offered a distribution deal from an established but smaller company called Tapeworm Video in California

   They get the VHS and newly emerging DVD format into many stores across the US and eventually purchase, on a regular basis, in the region of ………… wait for it ……… around 250 copies in total, which went a long way to recouping a good chunk of my full budget for the movie, before deferred fees owed to the cast and crew have been paid.

    Back home in England, with no UK offers, I decide to distribute the movie myself and visit dozens of video stores in several cities across the UK ; London, Hertfordshire, Leicester, Norwich, Wolverhampton mainly.  Due to having placed a full page advertisement in two of the key video retail trade magazines and because I had posters made and photocopied on A3 to promote in store (it was low budget guerilla filmmaking), the response and support from virtually every video store I visited was overwhelming and practically every video store bought at least one copy of the DVD, many buying several.

2003 : I Write a new screenplay called Fantasy Movies and although the agents for Imelda Staunton, Elaine Paige & Frances de la Tour all get back to me to say the actresses are all interested in playing the lead role I offered, the lack of a recognised producer, director or budget proves a stumbling block so I begin casting for actors on a deferred payment basis and assemble both an impressive cast and enthusiastic if mostly inexperience crew.

The lack of funding ultimately brings Principal Photography to a premature end.

2004 - 2017 : Apart from writing the occasional song, the matter of earning money to  pay for accommodation and day to day expenses and bills takes precedence and whilst managing to just about achieve that for several mundane years, I suddenly realise I've taken my eye off the ball and lost focus on what really matters to me.

2017 : I start writing more songs with the intention of forming a new band called The Noise Cavalry.  I'm very pleased with the results and record several of the songs with virtually enough material for a new album.

2018 :  The songs inspire me to write a new screenplay titled Growing Old Gracefully, partly inspired by the song of the same name I've just written.  Due to my preference to retain artistic control in both the Screenplay, playing the lead role and writing and performing the music, I

2019 :  I begin pre production in the feature film I now strongly believe in, and dozens of other actors, extras and crew all share my belief, even though I can only afford to offer deferred future payments once the film secures distribution.  But I again misguidedly underestimate my ability to produce and complete the making of the film ready to offer to distributors, based on my feature film production inexperience, total lack of production assistants to help me throughout the 6 months of pre production, tiny budget, minimal resources and the time required to complete all pre production tasks efficiently,   Despite having spent an exhausting and non stop 6 months of work in an attempt to have all elements ready and delivered for Principal Photography, I again disappointed dozens of actors and crew technicians when things quickly fell apart on set during the chaotic  four days of filming on location in Manchester.        

   The crew bring the production to a hasty, premature standstill after attempting themselves to rewrite my screenplay in a useless attempt to salvage the production from a lack of preparation and production assistants, combined with absent props and costumes.

2024 :  I start falling asleep in bed and suddenly have an image in my mind of an incident at a hotel reception desk involving a startlingly surreal and comedic scene and conversation between the guest and the receptionist.  I then start to speak the dialogue and literally perform the whole scene to myself, still in bed and waking up gradually, amazed and delighted by what I've created.  The following morning I write the screenplay, virtually as I performed it as I woke up the previous night.  

   The short film is entitled I Need A Room For The Night and I'm going into production within a month or two with a crew of about 2 people and one other actor.  It will then be entered into several International film festivals, and of course I've written a theme song for the film, which amusingly, I had already written before imagining the film, and I recalled the song and how right it would be for this film after I wrote the screenplay.

   As I had done a year or two earlier, I again develop the urge to create a comedy show for broadcast on YouTube where I perform impressions of famous names from Film, TV, Music, Sport and Politics.  Throughout the year, I'm regularly imagining, writing and creating the backdrop for the show as well as many of the scenes for the series.   But later in the year, when I happen to nostalgically watch a music video from A Flock Of Seagulls and see once again, that iconic hairstyle, I'm immediately reminded of Donald Trump and his iconic hairstyle.  My comedy brain swings into action and I visualise Mr Trump performing a song with his own band, possibly for the 2024 US Elections campaign.  I wonder what happened next …..

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