The Journey So Far
The Full Story .…
1983 : Saw an ad in the Manchester Evening News announcing open auditions in Manchester for the upcoming Hugh Hudson movie Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan. I decided to go along and “audition”. It was all over very quickly, hard to recall anything about the casting process (probably they thought the look, age and lack of experience weren't right and I prepared to head home again.
But then I was approached by a TV crew for BBC North West Tonight and they interviewed me about myself and the audition. I Excitedly watched it on TV the next evening then forgot all about it until I received a phone call a few days later asking if I would like to appear on the Russell Harty chat show.
I thought about it long and hard, for 1 second and accepted the invitation to wear a loincloth, swing from a rope in the studio and be interviewed by Russell Harty for around 14 seconds. More inspiration for me to become an actor and singer, in addition to my Moment of Epiphany: seeing Depeche Mode, and especially Dave Gahan dancing charismatically around the stage at the Manchester Apollo. That show made me realise that I wanted to become a pop star and the artistic evolution began that day.
1984 : Rejected at auditions with most of London's leading Drama Schools after getting nowhere in countless talent contests around Manchester's pub scene, performing cover songs and a few impressions. Bernard Manning & Foo Foo Lammar both told me they couldn't hire me for a gig at their clubs as they'd never heard of me or seen me perform, although Bernard kindly agreed to sign my British Actors Equity Association application form, along with Russell Harty whom I subsequently doorstepped inside the reception area of the BBC Studios on Oxford Road, reminding him of his unforgettable/forgettable interview with me several months ago. And Equity still rightly declined my application due to insufficient paid gigs at the professional rate.
1985 : Moved to London to become a Pop Star and Movie Star, having been hugely inspired by Prince's Purple Rain movie and music. My dream, and plan, was to play the lead role, write and perform the songs in my own movie.
1985 : Began writing songs and my first feature film screenplay, which I later realised wasn't to the requisite standard and it was left to hibernate in the wardrobe.
1986 : Developing the ability to write songs, even though I didn't then, and still don't play any instruments, apart from a £75 electronic keyboard synthesizer, played slowly with one or two fingers and little stickers with the notes written on each key so I know what I'm composing. More songs accumulate.
Spend more and more time in budget priced, analogue, recording studios with multi instrumentalist producers (many working from home).
Advertise in Melody Maker for musicians and form my first band, rehearsing and playing the first of the only 2 band gigs I've ever performed so far - at the Tunnel Club at The Mitre in Greenwich, London.
1987 : The band gradually splits up and whilst the songwriting continues, so too does the unemployment and social security.
1990 : Spent 3 very disciplined years writing my first novel You Wanna Buy? (with a dictionary and thesaurus close beside me at all times), which was based on my screenplay You Wanna Buy?.,intended for cinematic release with me as the Producer, Director, Lead Actor and composer of all the songs and music. Seemed like a good idea at the time to become a first time novelist but it proved to be a hugely time-consuming and demanding task.
1993 : After training for and running the London Marathon, I set about finding a literary agent. No joy, no interest from any of the seemingly untouchable and inundated agents. The novel and screenplay return to the wardrobe.
1996 : Have an idea for a short film about a world where smoking is illegal and carries the death penalty. Start writing, producing and subsequently directing my first film, Breathe Safely (15 mins). Filming starts just before Christmas 1996 with almost everyone working on a deferred payment if the film earns money from future distribution or broadcast. We shoot on 35mm film stock and Director of Photography Tony Browning agrees to work with me, bringing his own crew and a ton of useful experience to the film. But due to my inexperience as a Producer and Director, and especially the lack of funds to hire a production assistant team, he quits halfway through filming so cinematographers Alvin Leong, David Hilton and Jeremy Read all offer their experience to DP for a day or two each until principal photography is complete.
The Prince Purple Rain-inspired dream of writing, producing, directing, playing the lead role, writing all songs and music and performing lead vocals is partly achieved, if only with a short film, but not the real dream of it happening with a feature film.
I submit Breathe Safely to numerous International Film Festivals and it is selected by around 8 festivals including ; Raindance London, Huesca Spain, Oldenburg Germany, Figueira Da Foz Portugal and a few other UK Festivals. When it screens at Edinburgh International Film Festival, a few contacts are made and Screen International give it a fairly good review. No offers of distribution or any sales though.
I meet a prominent theatrical agent from The Narrow Road Company (or the Narrow Mind Company as I like to think of them now) when my short film Breathe Safely screens at The Prince Charles Cinema in London’s West End after being selected for The Raindance Film Festival. He tells me he’s considering offering me representation but subsequently decides not to.
1999/2000 : With no job, income or sign of any interest in me or my work, other filmmakers recommend turning the short film into a feature length film in order to sell it, further my career and make some money from the burgeoning number of satellite and cable channels around the world, in addition to the growth of distributors selling video and DVD rights worldwide.
Having written additional scenes for the feature film screenplay, I hire some of the original cast from the short film and more actors for newly written characters on a deferred payment basis again, where they only get paid if the film earns money from distribution. Ricky Gauld agrees to be the Director Of Photography and brings a great deal of enthusiasm, experience and support in return for expenses, a modest fee and payment in future if the film is picked up by a distributor.
After post production is complete, no UK distributors show any interest. At the Cannes Film Festival, one Australian Producer offers to secure the rights to You Wanna Buy? But I eventually decline the offer due to his lack of a suitably impressive profile in the industry.
Baroness Sally Hamwee, a top lawyer at Entertainment Industry law firm Clintons, agrees to represent me on a pay later basis when four Hollywood Producers I meet at the Cannes Film Festival, like the trailer for my first feature film Breathe Safely and are interested in reading the screenplays after being attracted to the synopsis of two of my screenplays. They all take their interest no further after Clintons send them my screenplays.
I head off for 2 weeks to Toronto Canada to experiment with the idea of distributing my new feature film Breathe Safely (90 mins) through my own Company. I visit many video stores, equipped with newly duplicated VHS video tapes of the movie with printed and fully designed sleeves as well as my own photocopier A3 posters, and to my surprise, most stores I visit buy at least 2 copies, one store kindly and supportively buying around 6 copies for his rental customers. I also visit an established distributor in Toronto but the CEO doesn't show any interest in acquiring the rights.
When I return home from the trip, I continue to seek a distributor in the US and am thrilled and excited to be offered a distribution deal from an established but smaller company called Tapeworm Video in California (I will always be grateful to Connie for giving me my first break in the film industry, even though little happened as a result of that distribution deal).
They get the VHS and newly emerging DVD format into many stores across the US and eventually purchase, on a regular basis, in the region of ………… wait for it ……… around 250 copies in total, which went a long way to recouping a good chunk of my full budget for the movie, before deferred fees owed to the cast and crew have been paid.
Back home in England, with no UK offers, I decide to distribute the movie myself and visit dozens of video stores in several cities across the UK ; London, Hertfordshire, Leicester, Norwich, Wolverhampton mainly. Due to having placed a full page advertisement in two of the key video retail trade magazines and because I had posters made and photocopied on A3 to promote in store (it was low budget guerilla filmmaking), the response and support from virtually every video store I visited was overwhelming and practically every video store bought at least one copy of the DVD, many buying several.
One particular video store in Wolverhampton proved to a fabulous experience with the delightful owner Roseanne buying around 10 copies of the DVD and a couple of Soundtrack Album CDs in addition to the DVDs. Still very grateful to Roseanne, and if you read this Roseanne, please get in contact again.
The UK Press & Media showed virtually zero interest in me or my feature film and after months of visiting UK video stores, I promptly terminate my promotional activity for the film, having recouped most of the budget.
2003 : I Write a new screenplay called Fantasy Movies and although the agents for Imelda Staunton, Elaine Paige & Frances de la Tour all get back to me to say the actresses are all interested in playing the lead role I offered, the lack of a recognised producer, director or budget proves a stumbling block so I begin casting for actors on a deferred payment basis and assemble both an impressive cast and enthusiastic if mostly inexperience crew.
Despite paying cast and crew their travel expenses each day, the same issue of my not having the funds to have a team of assistants to help with the countless tasks during pre production and the lack of a proper budget and adequate preparation brings the production to a hasty standstill when the crew of around 20 people all understandably inform me they're quitting due to my failings in having tasks completed in time for principal photography and our very limited resources.
2004 - 2017 : Apart from writing the occasional song, the matter of earning money to pay for accommodation and day to day expenses and bills takes precedence and whilst managing to just about achieve that for several mundane years, I suddenly realise I've taken my eye off the ball and lost focus on what really matters to me.
2017 : I start writing more songs with the intention of forming a new band called The Noise Cavalry. I'm very pleased with the results and record several of the songs with virtually enough material for a new album.
2018 : The songs inspire me to write a new screenplay titled Growing Old Gracefully, partly inspired by the song of the same name I've just written. Due to my preference to retain artistic control in both the Screenplay, playing the lead role and writing and performing the music, I feel there’s no other option than to Produce the film myself. It’s unlikely any producer or distributor will allow me to take all those roles myself as an unknown, and making a feature film on such a modest budget appeals as a potential achievement to be proud of.
2019 : I begin pre production in the feature film I now strongly believe in, and dozens of other actors, extras and crew all share my belief, even though I can only afford to offer deferred future payments once the film secures distribution. But I again misguidedly underestimate my ability to produce and complete the making of the film ready to offer to distributors, based on my feature film production inexperience, total lack of production assistants to help me throughout the 6 months of pre production, tiny budget, minimal resources and the time required to complete all pre production tasks efficiently, Despite having spent an exhausting and non stop 6 months of work in an attempt to have all elements ready and delivered for Principal Photography, I again disappointed dozens of actors and crew technicians when things quickly fell apart on set during the chaotic four days of filming on location in Manchester.
The crew bring the production to a hasty, premature standstill after attempting themselves to rewrite my screenplay in a useless attempt to salvage the production from a lack of preparation and production assistants, combined with absent props and costumes. Not to mention the useless inadequacy of the obese lead character's prosthetic face make up that was, for each copy made, fit for the bin within a few hours of application due to the previous reassurances of an obviously unqualified individual claiming to have the knowledge and experience to create the prosthetic make up required to give my lead character the obese appearance he was meant to display.
I still feel the crew panicked in the course of action they decided to take, and with maybe a pause in filming for several days to catch up with the schedule, modest amount of absent props and costumes, and to strengthen the production plan, the production could have certainly continued to completion. Especially when considering that so many talented lead and supporting actors and dozens of committed extras were all assembled, believing in the screenplay and willing to work for future payment after distribution was achieved. But the moment had gone once they took the route of attempting to rewrite the screenplay, insisting I improvise several scenes to suit their dubious view of the situation. And once a crew decides to quit, the production can go no further unless a new crew is hired.
2024 : I start falling asleep in bed and suddenly have an image in my mind of an incident at a hotel reception desk involving a startlingly surreal, comedic scene and conversation between the guest and the receptionist. I then start to speak the dialogue and literally perform the whole scene to myself, still in bed and waking up gradually, amazed and delighted by what I've created. The following morning I write the screenplay, virtually as I performed it as I woke up the previous night.
The short film is entitled I Need A Room For The Night and I'm going into production within a month or two with a crew of about 2 people and one other actor. It will then be entered into several International film festivals, and of course I've written a theme song for the film, which amusingly, I had already written before imagining the film, and I recalled the song and how right it would be for this film after I wrote the screenplay.
As I had done a year or two earlier, I again develop the urge to create a comedy show for broadcast on YouTube where I perform impressions of famous names from Film, TV, Music, Sport and Politics. Throughout the year, I'm regularly imagining, writing and creating the backdrop for the show as well as many of the scenes for the series. But later in the year, when I happen to nostalgically watch a music video from A Flock Of Seagulls and see once again, that iconic hairstyle, I'm immediately reminded of Donald Trump and his iconic hairstyle. My comedy brain swings into action and I visualise Mr Trump performing a song with his own band, possibly for the 2024 US Elections campaign. I wonder what happened next …..